Sushil Kutty
“It came by the Kollam
Bypass,” the man on the telephone whispered. “It’s very confidential. Prime
Minister Narendra Modi has been awarded the first-ever Philip Kotler
Presidential Award. Don’t spread the word to all his Mitron just yet. It came
down to the wire, the selection you know.”
“Bull,” said the man this end
of the telephone cable. “News that vested-interested people got Philip Kotler
to give the PM the award is all over place. And it was in December 2018, when
the Kollam Bypass’s inauguration was in danger of being bypassed.”
“Okay,” muttered Confidential
Whisper. “Modi got the award for Virat hitting another century Down Under, does
that make you happy? Take care not to be seen in the company of cows, these are
dangerous days for Doubting Thomas’es.”
Ten intelligence snooping
agencies picked up the conversation. Ten special dispatchers reported at the
PMO. “What the hell,” barked Big PMO Babu. “We should have known, first. What’s
so confidential and who the hell is this guy Philip Kotler? Sounds like a
fraud!”
“No Sir, the award was
presented by the World Marketing Summit India,” said Mr. K, aide-de-Big PMO Babu.
“And the co-sponsors are all PM-pals-with highest security clearance – Baba
Ramdev’s Patanjali and Arnab Goswami’s Republic and a few others who cannot be
named.”
“That still doesn’t explain
why the PMO was kept in the dark. It’s my job to keep The Prime Minister’s
image squeaky clean and I should have been called to the award presentation. By
God!”
“Sorry Sir, you’re late. Here,
take a look at this picture. The Prime Minister has already picked up the award
and he is holding it the classic ‘Smash Brahmanical Patriarchy’ Jack Dorsey
way. People are tweeting like mad. Everybody including Rahul Gandhi and Smriti
Irani. They will be talking about it in Amethi and Varanasi, Sir. Women will
carry the image to Sabarimala for Ayyappa darshan.”
“Dang it,” retorted Big PMO
Babu. “But what is this foreign woman doing in the frame? And the guy who is
going bald? By gosh, what is this painting behind the PM? The one with blue
leaves! You know what blues are? The PM can’t be in the blues. ‘Blues’ send out
the wrong message. Especially, when general elections are round the corner.
Disaster!”
“Sorry again Sir. Not
everybody has your brains, Sir. As for the foreign-looking woman and the guy
going bald, they carried the plague to the PM. It’s a heavy award and so confidential
they told the jury to take a vacation in Qatar or Riyadh, whichever place suits
their budget.”
“By Golly, I’m impressed. But
I want a complete report. It should be on my table in two hours flat. And I
want the dossier on this Philip Kotler chap. Right down to when he was born, to
whom and where. By God, this is sacrilege – PMO Kollam Bypassed. I want that
bloody report, where’s my coffee?”
The aide scooted. Two hours
later the report was in Big PMO Babu’s inbox. He read it, once and then again.
“Okay, public sector GAIL co-sponsored. Is given to recognize achievements in
marketing and advertising. Sure, PM is good at advertising. So, this guy is a
management guru, great. But why are award details missing on the website? No
mention of jury members also. Probe, okay, why are these guys acting coy? Which
is the exact organization which gave the award?”
“I have told an aide of the
NSA to find out, Sir. The IB is also on it and but for the CBI vs. CBI, I would
have told the CBI, too. But we’ll get the details, all of them. The R&AW
are on it and the CVC knows.”
“Great job Mr. K. Nice adding
the tweets of Piyush Goyal, Ms. Irani and the Manipur CM to the report, shows
imagination! Seems like Raman Singh and Vasundhara Raje have lots of free time
after the assembly elections. Nice. Mr. Rathore is right. Very sporting of him.
It’s a momentous achievement and a proud day for all Indians; of course, the
mahagathbandhan will not agree.”
“And Sir, look at Mr. Goyal’s
tweets. So meticulous. So thorough. He’s listed out six accolades PM has got
for every one of his flagship schemes. This is PM’s sixth honour. The others
were from Saudi Arabia, Palestine, South Korea, Afghanistan and the UN.”
“I can read, K. And I’ve 20/20
vision. But where is this Pride Plaza hotel, never heard of it, is it in
Paharganj? Find out, okay. Must say odd place to hold such a prestigious award
function, to the most important person on the planet. Why didn’t the SPG inform
us K? By Gosh, I’m of the mind to kick some ass.”
“Well Sir, could be because
Niti Ayog CEO Amitabh Kant made the keynote address. You know ‘Kant’ and
‘Can’t’, they sound the same. And there was this Aligarh-based company which is
linked to the Kotler Award. And Aligarh as you know is about locks. So, it was kind
of secret, hush-hush – confidential.”
“Good. K you’re okay. And I
like the profile of the going bald chap, what’s his name, Tauseef Zia Siddiqui,
sounds like an enterprising chap. Interesting. Did you hear the PM speak
Malayalam yesterday? You know, at the Kollam Bypass. Will you ask Mr. Siddiqui
to get us a list of prestigious Linguistics awards, international, of course?”
“Yes Sir, Mr. BPMOB.
Immediately Sir. Promptly Sir. In a minute Sir. In the meantime, how about
another coffee Sir?” K scoots out! (IPA
Service)
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